Understanding the difference between the ‘self’ and the ‘self-image’ shall make life a continuous journey of peace and happiness.

As a child is born he first becomes aware of his mother. He then grows to become aware of his father, and then his surroundings. Slowly and steadily he then becomes aware of himself. When his mother appreciates him and says, “You are beautiful,” he feels good about himself. Now the ego is formed. An image of the self is born. As the word indicates, this is a reflected image, a reflected awareness of the self. This image isn’t the real him. He isn’t still aware of who he is. He is aware of his mother and what she thinks of him. Through appreciation, expressed love and demonstrated care of people around, he feels he is good, he feels he is valuable, he feels he has some significance. Then teachers, relatives and friends join the mother, and his world expands. The more his world expands, the more his ego grows. His ego becomes very complex because it carries the opinions of many others about him. He does not know who he is; he simply knows what others think about him. And this is his ego, the reflection of what others think about him. If people think that he is of no use, nobody appreciates him, and than too an ego is born, but a negative image – sad, rejected, a feeling of being inferior and worthless.

Thereby a self-image is created. But this is a reflection, an accumulation of other’s opinions, a consequence of living with others. It is not the real self. Yes, this self-image is a societal need, where society means, everything around you, except you. This ego of yours is being constantly manipulated, and modified by people around in such a way that you don’t become a problem to the society. They are not concerned that you with you, but rather they are concerned should fit into the pattern, become an efficient part in the mechanism called society. So, when a child is found good at say painting and art, but he is not good in academics, she is still pressurized to perform academically well, just to flow with the society. Thereby she has lost her true nature and is forcibly built into a specific mould. Every one of us carries two parts within us – the real self given by existence and a self-image created by society.

For a person who is dependant on his self-image for survival, his life is like a roller coaster ride, which hits its peak when praised and hits rock bottom when there is no attention. As a beggar in search of appreciation and attention, his life is totally controlled by external factors. His happiness always depends on what others think of him. He would blame his fate and hide behind an excuse, which he calls destiny, for the situation he is in. When you don’t even know your own self, how can you be an independent entity? Your ego is not you. Ego is a social happening that gives you a function in the society, a position in the society. And if you remain satisfied with it, you will miss the whole opportunity of finding yourself. And perhaps that’s why there is so much misery in the world. Whenever you feel miserable, just try to watch yourself and analyse. You will find that somewhere your ego has clashed with someone and that is the cause of it. In millions of ways you attract the attention of others. So may be the loss of relationship or a well deserved post, or the lack of recognition for your efforts, anything that removes that attention from you leaves you feeling inadequate. You expected something, and just the contrary happened – your ego is shaken, you are in misery. This is how people become dependent on external factors of psychological slavery. Every one of us is an egoist. Some are very gross; some are very subtle, deep down.

Even for a person who has a good self-mage but is not totally dependant on it, there will be ego shattering experiences, when he does not know who he is, or where he is going. Life may suddenly seem meaningless, all boundaries would seem to melt and there may be utter confusion and chaos. Society has made a little clearing in his consciousness and fenced it.. Everything is okay within this fence. All those years of conditioning by external factors or society are just to clear a part of your consciousness so that you can feel at home there. Now he is afraid to tread beyond the fence, beyond the conscious mind, little knowing that the conscious mind is just one tiny part of his whole being. The remaining part of him is waiting in darkness, yet to be explored. And in those unfathomable layers of darkness your real self lies hidden somewhere. One step into absolute darkness, all boundaries disappear, you may feel dizzy, your very roots are shaken up, and you may feel absolutely lost. This is the main reason people are afraid to lose the ego they have developed over years of conditioning, for one has to pass through this darkness before one reaches the real self. If you are daring and you don’t go backwards to fall back on your ego and instead move head on, you will unfold the hidden self within you that you have been carrying for many lives. Once you come near it, everything changes, everything settles again. But now this calmness is not dependent on the society. This is no longer within the framework of the society. It is the very order of existence itself. For the first time you are able to understand that all the while you had judged people and perceived situations with the maturity of a tiny mind you thought was you. When you begin to start perceiving your true nature and start relating to your real self, your mind expands, and you start realizing what seemed a mishap in your life is but a way to a healthier, happier and much larger scheme of the universe.
But how can you drop this ego? You may think you are humble, but that too is ego. One cannot drop it. It always comes back. Only one thing is possible, and that is just to watch, not just understand but realise that it is the source of all misery. When this understanding that the ego is the cause of misery becomes so deep-rooted and continuous, one day it will suddenly disappear by itself. Many may understand this concept intellectually, but only a few have the maturity to differentiate between their real self and their self-image.

It is possible for us to reach a stage of awareness where every minute of our life we relate to our surroundings from the depths of our true self. Only a person who drops his ego completely is, for the first time, no longer a slave; but a master unto himself, a self-made master craftsman who has been given the power to sculpt his life and create his own destiny.